I’m Sorry

by Paolo Pedroni

There is no reason left for me to feel like I can not breath 

But this headache is a constant reminder of the things I can not erase 

What I see and how I feel are indistinguishable in depth 

My harbor has changed as I’ve begun to wake up in a state of fear 

spine-chillingly present, without the comfort of words to keep me sane 

How can I sleep when this existence wants me to dissappear?

There is no greater cruelty than being left alone with my brain

All these conversations make me tired, every word is filled with uncertainty and meanings that don’t add up 

Sometimes I wish the connotations were as real as I think they are 

I wish they could portray half of the reflection I see in the mirror 

Instead, I’m stuck dredging through the woods,  desperately clinging onto incomprehenisble words like a fool 

Lately, these days are overwhelming and exasperating 

If only my mouth spoke the words in my head, so may these doubts that constantly plague me dissapate

If me telling you means anything, I promise she is here, inside of me 

If only it was as easy as flipping over a book, maybe then you can read all that I have to say 

I know it is up to me, and maybe I wasn’t meant to be on this path, 

But there is something there to balance out the chemical equation 

 My only wish is to grant the gift of what’s inside unseen 

So, without hesitation, decipher before its too late to retrace

Even now, the hate and regret makes its away down the deepest cut

The fortitude seen in the their eyes wasn’t enough to hold back the snafu of my soul from reaching out it’s repulsive hands 

and touching those whom I love the most, infecting them with bleakness 

Remorse has become a tiring expression in my vocabulary

I know your’e as tired as I am, but these cruel statements have become addicting 

They eat me from the inside out; I’ve had enough of their drowning love

 I know I have failed and I am sorry, but I just need a little time 

Just a little more time to hold myself down, so I can be worthy of the words that make me golden 

Until then, please bare with me, my promise may seem empty, but just know, I am sorry.

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