Ghosts.

Look away from my reflection

The face staring back is not mine

This ship has long been past

With grooves set deep into the rocks

That’s torn apart in two

And we watch as the rain falls on the heart

Set a flight like lightning in the sky

A face with snake like charm

Trapped within your honey coated gum drops

Seeing is believing, now we don’t want to see anymore

She reaches out and pulls you close

Pretty close now, face to face

You’ll need a tourniquet to keep yourself intact

The darkness sleeps through your skin

Tainting you with the very thing you run away from

There is no separation of the heart

it was you all along.

Untitled

Suppressing is not forgetting

there are things inside me i have not overcome

and with our narrative i have come to the realization

that i am a reflection of you, toxic and egotistical

me

i thought you would help change, no, teach me

that with the power of your faith you have taken the best of me

your’e different, I am still the same

why is this confusion so deeply set in my heart

campanionship I valued the most, you are but an extension of my soul

but these words that echo inside me

haunt me everyday with the premise of unfufilling the needs of that soul

breathlessly awaken the part of me that hides underneath

for our paths have intertwined in a way they should have not

don’t patronize me, i know that i am lacking

i know that i am lost

i know i will forever be, this dark swirling mass of car exhaust

Letter for a Bird


Remind me of your touch, one last time before you leave

Those late nights we spent listening to those songs you like in my car

I just wanted to hold you in my palm

Like I did that night

I know things wouldn’t have changed, because you never even looked my way

through all the disappointment and regret, I still saw you

somehow imperfect and faultless all the same  

I still saw you, I wish you could’ve seen me too

Each day was an eternity, a thousand more when I thought of being without you

It hurt when you were far, and I died when you slept with her

My empty screams filled the space between us that night

and your silence meant a thousand words

My indifference wasn’t meant for you 

No one knows me the way you do, I never want to cause you pain

I promise, each day I wanted to be closer

I feel better when you’re near

and I can see your face

and I can see your eyes

and I can see your mouth

How do I say everything I want to say in less than a page?

In the chaos of my world, I didn’t mean to show you my back

But trust me, please, when I say the fast beat of my heart was not intentional 

and the loss of breath was never meant to make me faint

Just that the implications of this gravitation pull were too much to handle

So, I turned away, to ignore the burning of my flesh from the torch, that is your hand

and the beat of a thousand drums playing in my chest

and the memory of you over my head

I needed a break, to let myself understand what it was that I’d done, what it was that you’d done

You’ve changed, and I’ve changed with you

My love for you is unclear with every passing day I sit wondering what she has that I don’t 

If she can make your pain go away, tell me why I’m not enough to be your drug

What is it that makes me so different than her?

Despite all this, I can’t help but keep my thoughts of you

I can never hate you even when you make it hurt this much

I don’t blame you for running away, I just wish you could rest that lovely face of yours on mine

God brought you here so that I could choose you

Leave or take my love, I will be here when you lay low

You weren’t mine to lose, yet I lost you all the same

When you leave I hope you know I love you in every  possible way

You will remain, always, my dearest friend.

For Him

by Esao Andrews

Baby boy, you are my everything

when its just me and you

my love feels like its bleeding through

i wonder if you want this too

i wonder if im just confused

ill meet you at the end if thats what you need

Baby boy, i feel you here with me 

even if we’re miles apart

its just me and you

time and space wont matter

if my heart belongs to you

cause truth is i would die a thousand times if it meant being next to you.  

Unknown

by Esao Andrews

how many knives are on my back

how many times have I fought back

Am i lucky to be blessed with this weak heart

Im feeling heavy with lies 

and these voices wont stop coming around 

Do i take the blade pressed against my wrist

how long do i wait to be happy before i get closer to the edge 

Im tired of this empty space, i think i’ve waited long enough 

i think ive given up all i love

and the quiet aches those words give me 

tell me its too late, your’e too far away now

These hands that hold me up 

mean nothing if I cant speak up 

I wish he would have gifted me his voice

I am his child, but where is his love

I am yanked down when everything is going well

by hands that are all too familiar 

By words engraved in my mind 

constantly reminding me im not enough 

I can feel this distance, I yearn for this distance

its something illogical but its all i can feel 

if youre reading this, will you hold me back when i need you to?