Unknown

by Esao Andrews

how many knives are on my back

how many times have I fought back

Am i lucky to be blessed with this weak heart

Im feeling heavy with lies 

and these voices wont stop coming around 

Do i take the blade pressed against my wrist

how long do i wait to be happy before i get closer to the edge 

Im tired of this empty space, i think i’ve waited long enough 

i think ive given up all i love

and the quiet aches those words give me 

tell me its too late, your’e too far away now

These hands that hold me up 

mean nothing if I cant speak up 

I wish he would have gifted me his voice

I am his child, but where is his love

I am yanked down when everything is going well

by hands that are all too familiar 

By words engraved in my mind 

constantly reminding me im not enough 

I can feel this distance, I yearn for this distance

its something illogical but its all i can feel 

if youre reading this, will you hold me back when i need you to?