Letter for a Bird

Remind me of your touch, one last time before you leave

Those late nights we spent listening to those songs you like in my car

I just wanted to hold you in my palm

Like I did that night

I know things wouldn’t have changed, because you never even looked my way

through all the disappointment and regret, I still saw you

somehow imperfect and faultless all the same  

I still saw you, I wish you could’ve seen me too

Each day was an eternity, a thousand more when I thought of being without you

It hurt when you were far, and I died when you slept with her

My empty screams filled the space between us that night

and your silence meant a thousand words

My indifference wasn’t meant for you 

No one knows me the way you do, I never want to cause you pain

I promise, each day I wanted to be closer

I feel better when you’re near

and I can see your face

and I can see your eyes

and I can see your mouth

How do I say everything I want to say in less than a page?

In the chaos of my world, I didn’t mean to show you my back

But trust me, please, when I say the fast beat of my heart was not intentional 

and the loss of breath was never meant to make me faint

Just that the implications of this gravitation pull were too much to handle

So, I turned away, to ignore the burning of my flesh from the torch, that is your hand

and the beat of a thousand drums playing in my chest

and the memory of you over my head

I needed a break, to let myself understand what it was that I’d done, what it was that you’d done

You’ve changed, and I’ve changed with you

My love for you is unclear with every passing day I sit wondering what she has that I don’t 

If she can make your pain go away, tell me why I’m not enough to be your drug

What is it that makes me so different than her?

Despite all this, I can’t help but keep my thoughts of you

I can never hate you even when you make it hurt this much

I don’t blame you for running away, I just wish you could rest that lovely face of yours on mine

God brought you here so that I could choose you

Leave or take my love, I will be here when you lay low

You weren’t mine to lose, yet I lost you all the same

When you leave I hope you know I love you in every  possible way

You will remain, always, my dearest friend.

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