im a disappointment
caution written on my face, get too close
you’ll sink down with me
i’ll turn you rotten, a bad taste in your mouth
get me out of my head
i am desperate to feel
anything but hate
for the face in the mirror, the way she lies
makes me want to die
I dont want your hand
just to feel all right
Can i run, can i wipe away
the feeling that i’ve failed you
im drowning in apologies
but do i really mean them
im feeling blue
like the sky above your face
and when my tears hit my shirt
can i wipe away
the need to disappear
how many knives are on my back
how many times have I fought back
Am i lucky to be blessed with this weak heart
Im feeling heavy with lies
and these voices wont stop coming around
Do i take the blade pressed against my wrist
how long do i wait to be happy before i get closer to the edge
Im tired of this empty space, i think i’ve waited long enough
i think ive given up all i love
and the quiet aches those words give me
tell me its too late, your’e too far away now
These hands that hold me up
mean nothing if I cant speak up
I wish he would have gifted me his voice
I am his child, but where is his love
I am yanked down when everything is going well
by hands that are all too familiar
By words engraved in my mind
constantly reminding me im not enough
I can feel this distance, I yearn for this distance
its something illogical but its all i can feel
if youre reading this, will you hold me back when i need you to?
Resonate with my brain for a moment
Hold its wrist for a second let it know its still here
If I looked like you, would it make you more inclined
These days pass by with the wave of my hand
It always seems like I’m the only one thats different
Why do I apologize for the disease in my head
Stay with me up at the late hours of night
Let me show you the difference
Can you tell me with certainty that it’s something to be ashamed of
Doesn’t seem like I need your help
I’m already caught in this fragment of the world
I’ll never be like you so don’t compare me
I’ll never be like them so don’t compare me
Now can you Hear it, now can you See it?
What do I need to do to make this feel right?
What do I need to do to figure out this puzzle?
I’m wounded and I’m lost, feeling like I’m still walking in the past
Why can’t I get over myself
Why can’t I move on
There aren’t enough ways to say I’m sorry
And trust me, I am so sorry
I’ve been awake for years now
Trying to figure out how to fix this
It’s a scene we’ve seen before
Weeks and weeks and weeks
They feel the same, like I can’t escape you
Just here for me to know I can’t go on with this
How do I run from us?
My pulse runs the same and
You act your part just as I remember
My body doesn’t move even though I feel alive
If I need it, I’ll let you have what’s left of this existence
So I can find the answer to this extensive moment
Keeping me here, feeling like I’m senseless
I want you to feel how I felt stumbling, wordless
In the night and unable to grieve
You told me to move on
Let me close it this time
I’ll think of something clever, rip my page out of this book
and be as selfish as you say I am
Maybe this time you can find the answer.
I’m running towards you head strong
Spinning faster than i can breathe
Into this world, followed by those behind me
And I’m just trying to picture who I should be
But every time I feel a little less close
Like a lily without a pad, floating mercilessly in the deep blue sea
Relying on the branches to pull me
Every step gets heavy
Waiting for something to happen
Waiting for myself to come out
Waiting for a light in the dark
The life to this is gone
What do you do when the sun sets on the wrong side
Where is my oracle, this must be a mistake
How do we move without crossing the lines
This doubt that fills me, it’s set in stone
Where is the mapmaker, where is my road
Searching for a strong hold
Hold me down to what I know
Slowly out of this cage
Waiting for a light in the dark
Wishing I can hide, just to cut the tied
Waiting for the tides to roll out
Waiting for my route
Waiting for a light in the dark
