Take Away

When I showed you the book

I must have left it inside

The image of the girl you wanted

I guess it was like that

Take what you want

And hope I make it out 

I can wait 

Just let me know 

I’ll keep existing 

In a blind like state

Constantly checking 

For things to break 

My heart 

Oh I guess I could be 

What you want

But if I try 

I might sink down 

To someplace I cannot see

And I’ll still be cold 

I’ll take what I want 

I could never love you

When you’re so cruel

It hit me in the stomach

Take what you want away 

Take half of my heart away

It’s just life dear

It’s easier to hurt 

When there’s nothing to mourn

I can still be what you want 

But it wouldn’t be me 

Unknown

by Esao Andrews

how many knives are on my back

how many times have I fought back

Am i lucky to be blessed with this weak heart

Im feeling heavy with lies 

and these voices wont stop coming around 

Do i take the blade pressed against my wrist

how long do i wait to be happy before i get closer to the edge 

Im tired of this empty space, i think i’ve waited long enough 

i think ive given up all i love

and the quiet aches those words give me 

tell me its too late, your’e too far away now

These hands that hold me up 

mean nothing if I cant speak up 

I wish he would have gifted me his voice

I am his child, but where is his love

I am yanked down when everything is going well

by hands that are all too familiar 

By words engraved in my mind 

constantly reminding me im not enough 

I can feel this distance, I yearn for this distance

its something illogical but its all i can feel 

if youre reading this, will you hold me back when i need you to?

Closing

What do I need to do to make this feel right?

What do I need to do to figure out this puzzle?

I’m wounded and I’m lost,  feeling like I’m still walking in the past

Why can’t I get over myself

Why can’t I move on

There aren’t enough ways to say I’m sorry

And trust me, I am so sorry

I’ve been awake for years now

Trying to figure out how to fix this

It’s a scene we’ve seen before

Weeks and weeks and weeks

They feel the same, like I can’t escape you

Just here for me to know I can’t go on with this

How do I run from us?

My pulse runs the same and

You act your part just as I remember

My body doesn’t move even though I feel alive

If I need it, I’ll let you have what’s left of this existence

So I can find the answer to this extensive moment

Keeping me here, feeling like I’m senseless

I want you to feel how I felt stumbling, wordless

In the night and unable to grieve

You told me to move on

Let me close it this time

I’ll think of something clever, rip my page out of this book

and be as selfish as you say I am

Maybe this time you can find the answer.