Unknown

by Esao Andrews

how many knives are on my back

how many times have I fought back

Am i lucky to be blessed with this weak heart

Im feeling heavy with lies 

and these voices wont stop coming around 

Do i take the blade pressed against my wrist

how long do i wait to be happy before i get closer to the edge 

Im tired of this empty space, i think i’ve waited long enough 

i think ive given up all i love

and the quiet aches those words give me 

tell me its too late, your’e too far away now

These hands that hold me up 

mean nothing if I cant speak up 

I wish he would have gifted me his voice

I am his child, but where is his love

I am yanked down when everything is going well

by hands that are all too familiar 

By words engraved in my mind 

constantly reminding me im not enough 

I can feel this distance, I yearn for this distance

its something illogical but its all i can feel 

if youre reading this, will you hold me back when i need you to?

Sometimes we feel

Resonate with my brain for a moment

Hold its wrist for a second let it know its still here

If I looked like you, would it make you more inclined 

These days pass by with the wave of my hand

It always seems like I’m the only one thats different

Why do I apologize for the disease in my head

Stay with me up at the late hours of night

Let me show you the difference 

Can you tell me with certainty that it’s something to be ashamed of

Doesn’t seem like I need your help 

I’m already caught in this fragment of the world

I’ll never be like you so don’t compare me 

I’ll never be like them so don’t compare me

Now can you Hear it, now can you See it?